Sunday, November 22, 2015

This home is swaddled in dust and cobwebs.

Let's say I have been on some kind of 'life arrest'.

I wish I could give you more acceptable reasons, like perhaps I have submitted myself to some kind of digital sabbatical or I have been deployed to accomplish some life-changing mission so I can justify my silence in this little pocket of e-universe. But the simple truth happened. Adulthood pulled me into a hurricane of bigger responsibilities, effectively reducing the already meager time that I used to allot for adding something (thoughtful musings and verbalized thoughtlessness alike) to this online space. Priorities took a 180-degree turn. The corporate world slapped on my forehead an invisible Post-It, reminding me that our nine-to-five could eat up the rest of our lives ...if we allow it to. Sometimes, I could be helpless about it. Sometimes, when I am stubborn and willful enough, I could escape it for a while.

Life simply happened.

I have not severed my ties to the online world totally, though. There are social networking sites, where time and again I put up something to express my never-ending love affair with books, a few words on current events, gushing about pop culture, among others. But what I missed is staying here. I missed spending hours doing book reviews, churning out meta-essays about fictional characters, crafting more poems, and even drafting fanfiction. I missed making poor excuses for artworks. I missed staying up until the wee hours of the day when all I do is scroll up and down to read posts of fellow bibliophiles, wallowing in the warmth of the fact that somewhere out there, people devote a big part of their hearts for literature and fandoms, too. Does all of this equate to missing being a kid? Hah.

But most of all, I missed writing. I write constantly in the day, but the kind of stuff I produce out there sometimes makes me feel like an obligations-fueled marionette, chained to a tiny bank account. I get tired of it sometimes, but hey, it's part of the equation of being an adult! I just truly missed the kind of writing where I feel more alive, more free,

Today, I realized it is about time I clear this online home of the dusts and cobwebs that have accumulated in my absence. I took the time to  put up a couple of book reviews (I cheated and have them anti-dated, haha!). I have more of those in my drafts, plus a few posts detailing what happened in the previous months. Maybe I'll get to clean them up and post more in the coming days, considering the amount of leaves I filed in December. I hope that by doing that I will be able dredge up the kid in me once more, the one with rosy-colored lenses when viewing the world. I feel the need to oil up again the gears I left almost rusting to the wind. And I guess I just want to feel holistically happy again.

(Now that I think about it, this has sounded more of a note-to-self than a "hi again" post to fellow bloggers. More precisely, it sounded more like a note to a version of myself, to the nerdy gal who actively contributes to the fandom she's a part of. Moving on...)

No matter how small of a thing it is to be able to blog again here, I'm so drinking to it. No alcohol though. Just a good cup of darjeeling will do.

If someone is reading this...well, see you in my next posts!

1 comment:

  1. I do hope you are coming back and staying longer here in your blog, as irregular and sporadic as that may be. I hardly got the chance to know you since I only started following you last year and very late at that!~ I can understand the pressures of your work especially since you're in corporate. It's hard to find time to read and write consistently. Me, I'm working as a teacher at a family-owned tutorial center which is a blessing because as tedious and busy teaching kids could get, I have time for myself to indulge in my geekeries like books, comics, shows and anime. The key is to never forget you have your own space, wherever that may be, however intangible, and that you should strive to stay in it even for just a couple of hours and accomplish things you can be proud of. I think this blog is that kind of haven!