Sunday, June 17, 2012

Tick-tocks peter out.

I’ve been doing an awful lot of thinking the past few days. Right now, I’m sitting cross-legged in my mini-office/built-in lib (aka the upper bunk of the double-decker bed), incapable of stopping the hurricane of thoughts that’s battering my head. I figured putting some of them on these…virtual papers might help in calming them down, so here I am. It’s a whirlwind of word vomit, so scroll down at your own risk:

I’m really beginning to realize that 24 hours a day is never going to be enough for me. I used to exaggerate about it when I’m still in college, but it’s quite different at present. Back when I’m still tethered to scheduled schooling, I just felt like I’m readying for my ever-dreaded “future,” steadying myself in the training wheels called formal education.

Now that I’m in that future, I sometimes find myself lost, and I needed to always rummage in my brain and heart for the inner compass I’ve always prided myself in making, one that I created to supposedly help me follow my dreams. Each time I stall, every time I rethink something, I felt like I’m letting the seconds slip through my fingers like sand. I don’t know. I guess a girl’s hyper dream-crammed head will never be accommodated by the regular clockwork the world has to offer.

I wanted to do so many things, and I’m well aware that I should start/continue them now. But for some reason, I couldn’t. Being busy is understandably included in the package of being employed, but I’ve always been told that if you want to do something, you will able to find the time for it no matter what. I know exactly what I want to do, but I am too tired at the end of the day for these things to even brush my mind. All I could do is to plunge straight to slumberland.

Huh.  You know, I reread that and I thought I sounded like an incurable screwball. Who am I blame the poor timepieces for having just 24 hours? Maybe I should just smack myself upside the head to wake myself completely. *shrugs* Where has my if-you-can’t-direct-the-wind-adjust-your-sails mantra gone?

(YEAH and suddenly I’m writing without any mental filter, in stream freaking consciousness style. How many days have I been sleep-deprived?)

Books I wanted to read and reread, musical instruments I always wanted to play, sports I wanted to try, places I wanted to go to: those are just a few of the things that topped my list. I don’t intend this to be a TL;DR post, so I’m just going to say that I’ve drafted a few more entries about this that I planned on publishing the whole week. Sorry for the mass-publishing every weekend, by the way! That’d be rectified soon. ;)

Cheers and Ciao,


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