Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dredging up a few hidden snapshots (and its indirect connection to my ‘Odin Lowe’ principle)

At this time of the year, The Lyceum Independent Sentinel (our university’s official student organ) is holding its annual literary and art contest, or the Imaginaccion competition. In the middle of drafting my short story contribution for this year’s folio, I felt like I can no longer resist the tiny teeth of nostalgia gnawing at my gut, so I opened the “Photos-Imaginaccion” folder in my desktop.

There was a lot of behind-the-scene snapshots of Imaginaccion last year that I kept there. Being the folio’s editor-in-chief has its perks, but one of the best prizes I ever gained from the event is not material—it’s the enjoyable albeit toilsome experience of producing a book. I can feel the blathering coming on right now, but I think I won’t say anything new here that I haven’t said in my previous lit folio-related posts.

Now, this entry is originally for the Imagi shots, but then I saw these random photos included in the folder:

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Gads, I miss them! These are Sentinel staffers Armon, JM, and Jeff, poking fun at my (and Jerick’s) graduation picture, which we claimed on the day of the Imaginaccion editorial board photo shoot. They replaced the original 20th year anniversary Sentinel ads with our framed grad-pics, then pretended to (1) worship them or (2) wail in grief, as if the photos were about to be propped up next to coffins or something. All the laugh-trips, the corny japes, and the good times in college…somehow they manage to subtly condense themselves in these photos.

I miss being a student so much. One reason why I buried all my ‘college folders’ in the deepest fortresses of my desktop is that I wouldn’t be always tempted to click through them every time the internet’s down, or whenever I just feel like looking at the most easily accessed whatnots on the monitor. Most of the time, this old strategy fails; I still metaphorically shovel my way through the ‘Inception’ of folders (if you know what I mean) until I finally get to the innermost place where they are hidden. From there, I just let them magnify my nostalgia in a hundredfold…and sometimes open old secrets that I’ve labeled in my head ‘don’t check out if you don’t want to be confused.’

Here’s one of those confessions: technically I’m a working pseudo-adult right now (lol), but I still want to study. As in really study. I want to help my parents and reach that bright little dream that has always dominated the starscape of my wishes…but there’s this nagging feeling inside me that tells me there’s still something missing.

I want to take up a master’s degree in creative writing.

I know that since I’ve already been accepted in a company that most journalism graduates would like to work in, I should just stay there and climb my way on top. But before I graduated I’ve already laid out my future plans, and master’s degree is imprinted there, clear and bold. It perplexes me a lot right now. Back then I pledged to support myself if ever I should push through this plan—I would—but with the meager salary of my current job, I can’t even pay for my own transportation and food allowance. I bet three whole month’s not enough for me to fill up an average piggy bank.

There’s another job I’ve applied for, and all I have to do before starting there is to wait for the scheduled trainings. It's tutoring. Although it’s not related to my course, it’s quite okay in the wage department. Right now I’m still thinking if I should take it only as a part-time and stay in my current job, but that’s only the second option. The first is that I would only let 2011 pass and then I’ll take my premature resignation. xD

Let me digress a bit (because all of this is stressing me to no end, haha!). A manga character named Odin Lowe once said, “The best way to live your life is according to your emotions. That way, you won’t regret anything.” I’ve heard of it when I was in elementary, and up to now, whenever confusion clouds my mind, this is my last resort. In order to avoid all kinds of lamentations and what-ifs, what else is there to do but follow what your heart is telling you? You won't regret something you once wanted. I still haven’t made a concrete decision about my jobs as of now, but when all else fails, I’ll know what to do. The Odin Lowe principle will always be there.

And of course, God. :)

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