Thursday, September 15, 2011

Like a letter I never bothered to read

Yesterday, I wasn’t able to go online because my sister needed the laptop the whole night to tweak and re-download the soundtrack for their Humanities stage play. It was fine by me; I have nothing else to do on the net since my Tumblr posts are usually queued and I only go online to write here or check my FB/email.  I spent some time revisiting my old stack of books, going back to my favorite parts of my favorite author’s works. For half an hour I jotted down some memorable quotes from Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. And then a memory fluttered in my head, like a misguided ghost that finally found its way home: someone back in college gave me a mix.

It's nothing like Nick and Tris’ situation in NANIP. I could remember everything clearly: the bell just rang to signal the end of our class, and we were all hurrying to get home. As for me—I wanted so badly to go the restroom so I told my friends I would go ahead. This guy friend of ours—not so close at that time—blocked my way, and with an almost apologetic expression plastered to his face, he handed me a CD. I wasn’t able to make out what songs were written on the cover because I was busy staring doubtfully at him. In a flash, he was able to escape my scrutiny, gone in the noisy ocean of jacket-clad Lyceans flooding the corridors. I shrugged, for a few seconds not knowing what to do with the CD. When I turned around, I saw my classmate Nile smirking at me. My next action was all impulsiveness. For some reason I got a little peeved by my classmate’s reaction, and then I shoved the CD to her hands. “Tabi mo, kunin ko nalang sa'yo next time (keep it, I’ll just get it from you next time),” I said nonchalantly. Nile didn’t say anything in response; she slid the CD inside her bag and off we went to our destinations. To my utmost relief, she never breathed a word about it to anyone.

Guess what? That 'next time' never came.

Now that I think about the whole scene, there was no doubt I made a stupid move…and it’s something I could have rectified for the next couple of years of my stay in Lyceum. But I didn’t.

It's ironic, since I sometimes turned to this guy for music recommendations after the CD mix incident. It’s weird that my brain kind of turned that memory off the whole time we’re discussing music. It’s like I brainwashed myself or something, and now that it’s back in my head, I felt like there’s a letter from long ago that I never bothered to read.

I wish I at least spared some time to ask him what songs were included there, when we’re still “connected.” Mixed tapes usually have messages in them, and knowing that he was trying to tell me something and I just brushed it off—it made me feel a little guilty. And regretful, of course. I wondered why he never asked me if I liked the mix, or if I got whatever he was trying to tell me with the choice of songs.

I made a mental note of asking Nile about it, though in my head, something’s telling me it would be better—hesitant as I was—if I try to message the guy about it. Like apologize for not even bothering to listen to it.
Oh well. Sometime soon, I would definitely correct this little mistake.


  1. Hi! I'd just like to say I really like your blog. I found it through tumblr and I love that it has more of your writing. I think you write great. You make just normal blog posts and the like so nice to read, more like actually reading a novel than a blog.

    I probably should have commented a long time ago, because I always start to think about your posts. But anyway.
    I've always wanted to get a CD mix. It's such a great gift. And now I'm really curious on what was on that CD!
    Sorry for long comment. I can never stop in time. Ha!
    Have a lovely day!

  2. Hello Johanna! Thank you very much, I really appreciate it! :) I guess all the novels I've read rubbed off on my writings, especially that I have nothing much to do now other than that two: reading and blogging. XD

    It's alright! It's up to you whenever you want to comment. But your commenting now did tell me someone's actually reading my rants and ramblings here. Thanks again for that, haha.

    Oh yes, CD mixes are amazing! And me too, the more I think about that event, the more I want to know the content of the mix. Perhaps I'll write an update about it if ever I find some answers. It's kind of unsettling, really.

    Have a lovely day, too!

  3. I think I know the guy! Lolz. Still, it brings lonely memories, if not melodramatic. ;p

  4. Jeff! I thought you have a blogger account haha. Anyway, I didn't intend to keep the guy's name a secret...I mean, to anyone who knows our block section, it's going to be pretty obvious. :) If Debbie or Row will happen upon this post, I'll never hear the end of it! They have no idea about this.

    Hay.. The memory just makes me think sometimes. Thanks for the comment! :))